Season of Giving

I love giving gifts. To be honest, I really get more of a charge out of giving that getting. I tend to ask for practical gifts when pressed for a list.
That being said, my spouse tends not to ask for a list from me and strikes out on his own to get me the most practical gift he can find. Past gifts have included feed buckets for the horses, a tiller, a Spotbot, upright vacuum cleaner, and various other instruments of household fun. These gifts do not offend me as they would most wives. I know they will be used and appreciated.
He does listen to my few frivolous requests though. The lovely royal purple jacket that cost way too much for me to buy for myself comes to mind. He has bought me riding breeches, even though he does not care a whit for things equestrian. Last year he completely surprised me with the winter white outdoor swing coat that I had been eyeing in the catalogues for months. The sad part about that is that is was not cold enough to wear it last year so it remains in the closet unworn. I am hoping to wear it this year, or at least have an excuse to wear it somewhere nice.
We chose to focus on our son this year for gift giving. Because of the economy, and perhaps the fact that we have everything we need for materialistic happiness, we decided to have a price limit on the the gift we give each other. I have found his gift this year. I found two, in fact, and still stayed below the price limit. I have given him one idea for me, and yes it is practical but luxurious. I even gave him the Target flier when it was on sale a few weeks back. So if he laments the fact that he has no ideas of what to get me for Christmas, remind him of the king size ultra plush Shabby Chic blanket that I am dreaming of. But don't tell him I told you.

The promise of a meteor shower

As I got back from my walk, I remembered that tonight was the night the Leonid meteor shower. I leaned back against my car and looked into the sky. I scanned the heavens not knowing what area to look. Suddenly in the south eastern sky, I saw a flash and a streak of light fall toward the horizon.

With that, and the promise of more, I hurried into the house, grabbed my Snuggie (my mother-in-law gave me one for my birthday)off the couch, turned off the porch lights and tried not to trip as I went down the steps to the yard.

I dragged an Adirondack chair across the lawn and settled in looking toward the south, but with a clear view of the east. The night was more alive with sound than meteors. Dogs barked and I tried to guess which direction they were coming from and who those barking dogs belonged to. The horses were blowing as they worked on the pile of hay I left for them to eat on this chilly night. Tree frogs in the autumn have a different call than in the summer, sort of a click, click, click but with the resonance of a wooden percussion instrument. I smelled Daisy's foul breath as she came over looking for a scritch on the ears. Time for a cleaning, I think to myself. Gatsby, the clumsier of the dogs, knocks into my knees as he comes looking for his pat on the head. Suddenly the two take off barking after some unseen prey. I wait to see if I hear the crashing through the brush that would mean deer were trying to settle in on the long grass out front. I don't hear it so I think it must be a rabbit or something small and quick.

It is quiet for a moment. I see another flash of light in the sky and a long streak of light falling toward the ground. Not bad, I think to myself, two sightings. I wrap the Snuggie around me tighter, and stretch out my arms to catch two furry dogs heads. They are planted under my hands enjoying a good scratch. In the distance I hear a coyote howl, then another joins in. Soon the whole pack is howling and yipping in a frenzy. They must have caught something for dinner. I continue to pet the dogs hoping they don't decide to join in. Soon it is quiet again. Dewey is running around the pasture. The cold must be making him frisky.

I keep scanning the sky for more meteors.

Nothing.

I am getting chilly and sleepy. The dogs trail along eagerly as go back in the house, like I am the meteor and they are my tail disappearing into the house.

Me and my crazy dreams...

Last night, or I should say this morning, I had a dream that Colin Firth ended our affair with an email that said something in French on the top line, the next line said "I am afraid it has to be this way but we both know we like the pink ones" there was a partial address (British) and then a photo attached that was him with a woman...maybe me? In this dream, I remember being surprised because I was not even aware we were having a fling. Could not even remember being with him at all..but there was this picture.....I careful composed an email back to him. I wanted it to be in French as well. I looked up on the internet how to say "easy come, easy go". I woke up before I could find the translation.

I always have the strangest dreams......

The Neighborhood

Does proximity of houses have something to do with how friendly you are with your neighbors? Or is it just that you have all chosen a neighborhood for the same reason and therefore have a common ground. I think about this quite a bit.

When we lived in a average neighborhood in South Austin, where the homes were about 20 feet from each other, we never really were social with our neighbors. We knew them enough to chat on the sidewalk at 11pm, let their cat play in our house, and knock on the door to ask why the hell they turned off our water from the main valve on the lawn. We did not know them well enough to ask them to watch the dog when we went away, to ask them to turn down the music so our walls would not vibrate or borrow a cup of anything. I did love

We moved to the country after four years of living in that 1300 sq foot home in south Austin. Our nearest neighbor for a long time was the one across the street, across the street and down a 500yard driveway, not so close. Basically neighbors are close for a walk but far enough away to not be heard in daily activities.

Last night I drove down the hill to Terri's. Dropped off the kiddo to play with her son. Her hubby was home to watch the boys so we talked horses for a bit and then went for a walk. A walk down the driveway, and across the street to Kellie's. We opened a bottle of wine, sat on the front porch, until the mosquitoes got the better of us, and chatted. We finished up the wine and headed back to Terri's. It was dark by then but we felt relaxed and happy. The boys were fed and happy as well.

This sort of thing happens all the time. I love it. We have impromptu pool parties, pot luck dinners, game night and you can always find someone to watch your kid for an hour or so if you need to get some work done. Then there are the planned events....wine and cheese parties, progressive dinners, food and toy drives, holiday parades and Halloween hayrides. Maybe it is because we all have our "space" from each other and maybe because of the isolation, we crave company. I have no idea. I do know when we were on top of our neighbors, we wanted nothing to do with them. Now I would not trade my neighbors and friends for all the money in the world. They make my life and my family's life infinitely better.

Smoking ghost

Last night...3am.... I woke up and smelled cigarette smoke. More like the kind of smell when it is on someone after they have been outside for a smoke than a fresh smell. It was a harsh smelling brand, like Camel or a hand rolled. It confused me. I don't smoke, my husband quit years ago and we don't live near anyone who smokes. As a matter of fact, we physically don't live near our neighbor's homes.

I got out of bed to see if maybe husband had fallen on old habits and was sneaking a smoke outside on the front porch. He was sound asleep in our son's room with him. Puzzled I decided not to go downstairs to check it out. I went back to bed. Then I heard to front door latch click. It sounded like the front door. Sometimes if the door is not locked or shut properly it blows open. I got up to see if that happened. Nope, the door was shut. Daisy, our border collie/coyote mix was sleeping in the hall by the door. Surely if someone was there, she would have barked up a storm.

Back to bed. I decided to meditate to clear my head. The smoker's odor still present. I tried to keep it out of my head. My mind started to form a picture of this spirit that I did not like. A man with an old felt hat and sneering, snarling grin, a nose that looked like it had been broken a few times, dark stubble from a day's old beard and eyes that had no real eyeball just a glow. Okay! No more meditation. Happy thoughts! My imagination is really too much sometimes.

I really an getting curious about this cigarette smell though. It has been inside my truck on many occasions. I thought a mechanic was an ass and left a cigarette butt in my AC unit or near a fan. Lately I have been noticing the smell in my car too. Only when I am alone though. There have been no smokers in my truck or car, not even as passengers.

Thinking back to smokers in my family and the only one I knew was my brother-in-law who died young. Why would he be hanging out with me? Why not my sister? Maybe it is someone I never met, maybe it is my imagination. I really have no idea but I really do not like the smell of stale cigarette smoke. That is part of the reason I don't like to go to places where folks will be smoking. I am open to all suggestions. Thoughts?

My Vision of Future Beauty Standards

If I were a BEAUTY fashionista, I would make some changes to make the average female, over 40 set, feel much better about themselves. First of all I would make laugh lines and forehead wrinkles cool. If you don't have them, you have no sense of humor and no life experience. Basically you are not cool, have no substance and live a vacant shallow life. The twenty something set would be clamouring for makeup to enhance their budding wrinkles, practice crinkling their nose when they smile and laugh at least 4 hours a day.

Next thing would be enhancing the black circle under eyes. Think of the possibilities, blue tones, purple tones, shades of gray. Under eye shadow I will call it. The average over 40 set will save a fortune on makeup because they have earned their circles trying to squeeze 50 hours of activities into 40 hours.

Lips will not be plumped. Thin lips will enhance the large eyes, that framed by the dark circles. Pillowy lips will not be a sign of youth and sexuality, more like a gross exaggeration. Thin lips, accented with a slash of red or plum lipstick. White teeth will still be vogue and with thinner lips, they can be seen much better.

Age spots will be known as freckles and be cute. That extra chin will be viewed as a sign of wealth and prosperity (much like olden times).

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to surf some plastic surgery websites....wonder how much Botox injections run....

The Beach Club part one

This past weekend I took my son to his Oma and Opa's house on Long Island. They live in a lovely town with large homes, old trees, manicured landscaping, the same ubiquitous floral wreath on every door and quaint shops in the village. Because it rarely gets hot, most older homes do not have central air, relying on window AC units when the mercury rises above 90 degrees.

This weekend the hydrangeas were in blooms in various shades of blue and purple. Black-eyed susans danced in the breeze and impatiens brightened shady nooks in flower beds.

We spent a good amount of time at the Lawrence Beach Club on Atlantic Beach this weekend. It is an old club that some families have been going to for years and years. There is a main dining room, an upstairs dining room and bar area forbidden to children, lockers with showers for changing and cleaning up, a pool, tennis courts, playground, shaded dining deck, and of course lovely beach access.

We attended a Family Dance Saturday night geared toward the kids. The boys wear blue blazers, or the occasional seersucker suit. Some have ties, most wear shorts and loafers. The girls are lovely in their Lilly Pulitzer dresses or other cute sundresses with jaunty bows in their shoulder length hair. All the children are bronzed by the sun and run wild with the confidence that this is a safe place to be. Younger boys wrestle in the sand in their blue blazers or climb the dunes. The older boys try to look cool on the dance floor in their madras shorts and aviator sun glasses. The girls, all the girls, are on the dance floor twirling their dresses or learning the latest line dance.

My son chose to stick close to momma. He made several trips to the buffet learning that there are several types of salami. At the dessert buffet, he learned that his eyes are bigger than his stomach,leaving one of his two scoops of ice cream to turn to a cold soup.

At the end of the evening he asked to leave, feeling exhausted from playing on the dunes and dancing next to his table. One the way home, he asked if he could take off his "costume". I tried hard not to laugh in the back seat of the car. I had spent quite a bit of time earlier explaining that kids in New York dress differently than kids in Texas. He was convinced he looked silly in his blazer. Later he referred to it as "the stupid jacket". Again, I had to suppress my laughter. I had tried to get him to wear the outfit his Oma had planned for him complete with sand dollar tie. He looked adorable. But like his father, he has definite ideas about what looks good and what does not. Maybe next year, he will remember that all the kids dress that way and he will submit. Somehow I doubt it.

What can I do?

My friend Kurt, one Rachel's helpers on the ranch, recently had surgery to remove a cancerous growth from his brain. He collapsed while doing some chores and had to be rushed to the hospital for a diagnosis. The news was not good. Cancer. The doctors found it when they went into his skull to see what the mysterious shadow on his brain was. They removed what they could and he was released a few days later.

He is a super mellow guy who is used to a physical lifestyle. He wears a Chicago-style handlebar mustache and frequently is shirtless when he is doing chores outside around the house. His horses are his pride and joy. He has 5 pure bred Andalusians. A stallion, 2 brood mares and 2 fillies. They are sweet and wonderful and give him so much joy. He is worried, I think, about what will become of them should he not survive the brain cancer. In this economy, not many are breeding or buying expensive horses no matter how stellar the bloodlines. There is talk of setting up a trust for the horses and creating a non-profit foundation to care for them and, in turn, promote the values of the Spanish Riding school here in Central Texas. This is all a new concept to the friends who surround and support him now. We are trying to figure out how to make his wish come true. We could develop our skills (horse and human)into a therapeutic riding center eventually.

I was taking photos of the horses last night and snapped a photo of Kurt playing with Espera his 3 month old filly. As I went through the edits last night, I fell in love with the photo. You can see the staples in his head from the surgery, his muscular arms from years of physical labor and the love he has for his horse.

This morning, I thought what if I started taking photographs, formal portraits or candid, of folks who are terminally ill. The families could donate the fee to the not yet created, but soon to be, foundation for the Andalusians and education. I could do short videos too. Having just dealt with my horse's death, the loss of the photos I had taken of him, and the comfort I get from the video of him, I thought the feeling may be double or triple for someone trying to struggle with the illness of a loved one.

I would love to have a wonderful photo shoot of someone I loved to remember them by. I plan to do formal portraits of Kurt very soon, while he still looks strong and healthy. If our prayers work and the cancer goes into remission, then we still have great pics of him. I feel like this is a way I can help both families and provide money honor Kurt's wish to have the bloodlines of his horses and the values they represent carried on.

cool manipulated pics

So I lost all my recent pics of Sahil when the hard drive crashed in April. I didn't want to spend 500 bucks to recover what was there because I thought I had most of it backed up. Well, not quite. I did some video frame grabs for my friend Marjorie Moore, She is a fabulous artist and said she would paint a picture of Sahil in the future for me. She needed stills with some life so I looked through the video and grabbed some frames. Since the quality was dicey, I didn't mind putting it through the Photoshop wringer. These are my first efforts.

Sadness

I had two dreams of Sahil, my small but graceful Egyptian Arabian, in the last 6 months. In one dream we were lying together in a beautiful hilly field bathed in golden light. His head was on my lap and we were so peaceful. I could feel the love and devotion he had for me. I think also in that dream we were cantering around the mountains, through fields of flowers up and down hills and we were so happy. There was not fear, only a togetherness and partnership that was filled with trust. The dream ended with us lying in the field together.

I took that dream to mean we had reach a new level in our partnership. After falling off him and suffering a serious injury, I was looking for a sign that things were getting better.

The other dream also took place in the mountains. We were climbing up hills through a mountain village with streets so narrow, cars were not allowed or perhaps did not exist. The homes were built into the hillside and steps to front doors came right off the street. Window boxes spilled of brightly colored flowers brightening the white and gray facades. Sahil and I rode through the street looking for something that I cannot remember. I got off him to go into a home for a visit and when I came out he was gone. I looked everywhere for him. I asked everyone but no one had seen him. I was not worried that he had been stolen, I just needed to find him. I woke up still searching.

Now I realize that maybe those dream were trying to let me know he would be leaving me soon.

Sahil died Sunday. It was fast. I barely had time to say goodbye. In fact looking back, I did not say goodbye like I would have liked to because while his body was on the ground engulfed in a seizure, his spirit was not there anymore. By the time the emergency vet answered the phone, by the time my neighbor got me a hose to cool him down, before the other horses realized what had happened, he was gone.

My last living memory of him is listening to him scream from the pasture to greet me and Bailey as we came back from our ride. This was not unusual, he was always screaming at me when I can out of the house in the morning to feed, when I drove in the driveway, or anytime I would say hello to him.

I rode down the driveway, untacked Bailey and started to give him a bath. That is when my neighborhood friend Amy came running down the driveway. "Sahil is down! Gary is with him. Call the vet." It was like my mind shut off. I could not think. What happened? Broken leg? heat stroke? I ran to Sahil and Gary as I was on the phone with Rachel trying to see which vet could get there the fastest. Sahil lay twitching on the ground, legs straight out. His eyes were rolling back in his head. I paged the emergency vet and got it wrong 4 times as I pet Sahil's neck begging him to hang in there. Amy and Gary drove to the neighbor across the street who is a vet. She was not home. I felt horrible bothering her but Sahil was dying in front of me and I was helpless. The emergency vet called me back as Sahil took his last breath. "What is the emergency?," he asked. " Well none now I think my horse just died., " I answered in shock. There was no pulse. I hung up and stood there in disbelief. I tried to shut his eyes but they would not shut. My neighbors came back and stood with me. One went to get a tarp, the other fly spray. I walked across the pasture to close the gate so the Bailey and Dewey wold not go near Sahil's body. Bailey was still in the cross ties where I had stopped, mid-shampoo. I rinsed him down and put him in with Dewey.

Slowly others came by. They saw the tarp and immediately knew something was wrong. A crowd was gathering. I felt like I should get refreshments. I felt numb (I still do). People called friends with back hoes so we could bury Sahil as soon as possible. Having a dead horse in your front yard with triple digit heat can make the property values plummet. I thought of this because there were red and white balloons bobbing up and down on an open house sign two houses down the hill from the pasture where Sahil lay. I went in the house with Rachel. The others put the hose out to wet the ground so we could dig a hole and they put my tack away. Gary and Amy came back from their errand with a plant and some horse treats, so sweet considering I had probably wrecked their morning plans. My friends were so wonderful to offer comfort and support. Jake was at Mark and Carol's across the street and they offered to keep him as long as I needed. Others offered to have Jake if they needed to get things done. I felt helpless, trying not to look at the blue tarp in the front pasture.

Lorre reached the man who buried her horse. He lived close by and was at our house in a half an hour. I told him where to bury Sahil and he began to dig. Rachel and Lorre took me to get something to eat and a margarita so I would not have to see the empty shell of Sahil being buried.

I wonder how many feedings I will go through before I don't cry anymore when I pass the wash rack where I fed him. I wonder how long it will take before I don't miss his scream hello when I come home from work. Sahil was sensitive, easily bored, a prankster and very loving. It was easy to forget that I needed to have boundaries when it came to handling him. He will be missed.

crazy weather

I watched the storm roll in via TV. Outside I could see the gray clouds piling up to the north. The air was heavy and still but the tree frogs were singing their normal summer song. I hurried to feed the horses so I could get them all back together in the pasture to fend for themselves in case we got bad weather. Back inside the storm still had not reached Austin. Not wanting to scare kiddo, who was just quizzing me about tornadoes this morning, I watched the weather upstairs while he watched his show downstairs. From the bedroom, I could see an amazing lightening show. Time to go get stuff ready.

Downstairs, I cleaned out the closet under the stairs. We keep out cleaning supplies there so I transplanted them to the back hallway. I put down a sheet, some floor pillows, a cube pillow and got a sleeping bag. My mother called from Virginia to let me know a tornado was spotted in Austin. Uh, yeah, thanks. As if I was not worried enough as it is. I quickly hung up and continued my quest to make the closet fun. I gathered a flash light and head lamp.

I told Jake we were going to have a cave adventure. He tried it out and decided it might be fun. He got his portable DVD player, his Bakergan and two rubber snakes. He brought in banana bread and chocolate milk. I grabbed my computer and some books for him. We put up a baby gate to keep the dogs out of the closet. I love them but they are stinky and hot.

At this moment, Gatsby is sitting just outside the baby gate in the hallway, whining occasionally. Daisy in in the kitchen and Jake and I are lounging on the pillows in the closet. He is watching Ant Bully and I am typing away. The door to the closet is still open and the TV is on although I really cannot hear it because of the movie. If I shut the door to the closet Gatsby gets very worried. The storm seems to have weakened but not the thunder. Jake and I are kind of comfy and will hang here until it goes away. Anything for him to go to bed later.

Summer cicadas

I am listening to the cicadas sing their summer song and it reminds me of summers past, growing up in a house in the woods of Maryland. The trees were so tall and blocked the afternoon sun so you thought it was really later than it was.

Yesterday I found a cicada skin shed by the growing bug. I brought it in to show my son. I used to gather these in the summer plucking them off trees and hunting all over trying to get more than my sisters and brother. I had a small box that once held some piece of jewelry with some cotton in it that I would keep my cicada skins in.

We spent so much time outside playing in the woods. We would run down our steep driveway through the cul de sac and into the woods that took us down another long hill to the stream. We had our favorite areas. One spot had a dead tree that we could hide in. One opening of the tree was on the top side of the bank and the other lower where a spring came out. We would climb though and pretend it was a house, or a rocket. The earth was worn smooth from our bottoms scraping the dirt from the top of the bank to the stream bed.

Further downstream was a favorite place to catch crayfish. We would catch them and bring them home. Mom would make us take them back the next day telling us they would not survive in tap water. Looking back on this, I think she just wanted her Tupperware back in the cabinet where it belonged.

We would come home soaking wet from slipping on leaves and ending up in the stream. We would have snake swim through our arms as we careful held the Tupperware steady in the current patiently waiting for the crayfish to fall into our trap. We walked through small waterfalls. Practiced balancing of slippery rocks and hopped from rock to rock across the stream. We never ventured into the woods across the stream, to this day I don't remember what was on the other side but more woods. I never got poison ivy or got bitten by a poisonous snake. We would be away from home for hours. As the day ended we would trudge slowly up the hill home using small branches to pull ourselves up the steep hill. We always wondered if the hike home was worth going to ply in the stream. But the next day we would run happily down the hill and do it all over again.

Parenting challenge

We have the battle of wills at home every so often. They seem to be getting more intense as the little man gets older.

Yesterday was an easy day until I began to exert my will upon my child. I had to work so he needed to go to a neighbor's house for awhile. He loves these folks and, as a mater of fact, we spent the evening before over at their house for dinner. They are not strangers to us.

As soon as we went to get in the car to go, he suddenly has a tummy ache of unspecified origin. Then he does not want to go, in fact, he wants to go to work with me. UH no. I can get much more done, quickly, without a 4 yr old under foot. I tried to explain this and that I would be home quickly if I could just go, do my thing and come home.

We arrived at another neighbor's where we were to meet everyone for a pool outing. Now I cannot get him out of the car. Nimbly he hops back and forth over the seats, just out of reach. I am losing patience, counting to ten. I gather his stuff, slam the car doors, take a spare set of keys just in case he locks himself in (the car is running) and walk away. I linger with the adults explaining the issue. Nathan, 6, goes and tries to get Jake out of the car. No luck.

I walk back, Karen who is watching him for me comes with me. She sweetly opens the back door and explains to Jake that she just wants to talk to him and she is not going to grab him out of the car. He hops to the front. I open the door, tired of this nonsense, and grab him. I carry him to the poolside and sit him on my lap while he clings to me like a baby koala bear on his momma.

Finally he decides that he wants to go play inside. The hostess and I take him in show him where the bathroom his (he knows but it is a cautionary measure). He settled in and I high-tailed it out of there.

I got an email later letting me know that he was happy, playing in the pool and having a great time. He spent 20 minutes playing inside, regaining his composure but after that..... good times.

Ten Minutes

Ten minutes in the morning.
Ten minutes until you have to get out of bed.
Ten minutes to lay there and take stock of things.
Ten minutes to lie there with your eyes closed listening to morning sounds.
Ten minutes enjoying the silence knowing your kiddo is still sleeping.
Ten minutes trying to identify the birds you hear chirping in the pre-dawn morning.
Ten minutes wondering how the sound of big trucks can carry all the way to your ears from the highway.
Ten minutes feeling where your body needs to stretch and then stretching deeply.
Ten minutes to breath in and out. Breath in the light, exhale the darkness.
Ten minutes to enjoy the softness of the sheets still cool where your body was not.
Ten minutes to lie still and pretend you are still sleeping.
Ten minutes to try and remember the great dream you were having.
Ten minutes to contemplate calling in "well" to work.

slowly open your eyes
make the mental list
one big sigh
slide the legs over the edge
touch the feet on the floor
and wish for those ten minutes back

Evening Ride

In our neighborhood, we have meeting to plan the entertainment for holidays and random parties. There are all inclusive and usually pretty fun. The planning meetings themselves are valuable as we share information about the neighborhood and the residents, comings and goings, who is selling, whose dog ran away and was found by whom.

I look forward to these meeting and when I am going solo (without the kiddo) I try to walk to get a bit more exercise. I arrive sweaty but since it is just us girls...I really do not care.

Last night I decided to ride my horse Bailey. I have not ridden him in months. He is sure that he is retired and has no responsibility except steal food from the other two horses. I call him gramps, he protects the youngest horse from his half brother's jealous tendencies.

When I went to get him in the pasture, he saw the halter and walked away just out of reach. I take a few steps toward him, he takes a few step away. It is a lovely and frustrating dance that we do, until I decide to play dirty. I get some feed and pour it in the small feed pen that I have for them. Now usually when I open the gate, I know the chosen horse will run right in and eat without me putting on a halter or anything. Last night when I opened the gate Bailey ran out, past the feed pen, past me, past the house and way into the front yard.

I just stood there and shook my head. He beat me at my own game. He knew it too as he munched happily on the grass. I got the halter and the food and trekked across the yard to him. Put on his halter and let him eat a bit. We walked together back to the feed pen to I could groom him and put on his saddle. He finished his feed while I did this and was ready for the bridle. Got it on, packed the saddle bags with head lamps for the two of us, my calendar and camera.

I documented out ride to the meeting, taking film shorts as we rode along. Tough to do on most horses but Bailey is slow. We rode in a all purpose English saddle but used the reins Western, neck reining and filming. It made for bumpy video but it will be a fun short that I will post after it is produced. I filmed through his reluctance to walk towards construction workers making a racket by cleaning up a site. But I stopped filming when he spooked at a blowing pizza box from someone's overturned garbage can.

We made it to the meeting. I untacked and put him in the pasture next door. He galloped off to the far end. Whatever.

I left before the meeting ended so I could tack up before dark. I put a light on his headstall and one on my helmet. Later I read this was not the smartest idea because horses can see very well at night (which I knew) but can be temporarily blinded by flashlights (did not know). I sang my favorite riding songs to keep a nice pace and rythem. He did not spook at all but clearly was not going to stop when I saw fun neighbor David taking out the trash or neighbor Lee guarding his gate so their Mustang, who was unintentionally loose in the yard, would not run wild. We got home safe and sound. I fed the screaming Arabian half brothers and gave Bailey a little more too.

I like riding at night.

Mating Season

rat-a-tat-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat-tat. What is that? I thought as I tried to catch a nap while my son watched cartoons in the bedroom. There it goes again! Then a noise that sounded like someone started heavy machinery to tear up concrete. Geez, this is insane!

I rolled out of bed and wandered downstairs to the hubby's office. He had the tunes going and the bass roaring. Ahhhh, that is it. I told him I could hear his bass upstairs. He grinned and nodded in bass heaven.

As I left his office, I heard the heavy machinery again. What was my neighbor doing? I went outside to be nosy. HE was just cutting his lawn. hmmmm.

rat-a-tat-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat-tat. There it was again!!

I looked up at the chimney where the noise was coming from. A woodpecker! I waved my arms and he flew away. As I was going back inside, he came back.

rat-a-tat-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat-tat

Now I adore woodpeckers. I love the warbly chirp they use to call to each other. I like the chipper red heads. I love that they eat bugs. Did I have termites in my chimney? What had I been paying an exterminator for? Oh yeah, we terminated our service a month ago.

I scared him off again and went up to have my nap. No such luck.

rat-a-tat-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat-tat

I opened the window and climbed onto the roof looking for something to throw at him. He hopped around to the other side of the chimney and discovered the chimney cover again.

Bang bang bang...heavy machinery when you are inside. Cymbals when you are outside.

Well the nap was not going to happen. I let the cat out on the roof. He meowed and was curious but the woodpecker was too high to be bothered.

Went outside to weed in the shade. Between weed pulling I was throwing ricks at the chimney. It was enough to scare him away but he always came back. I was starting to see where he was tearing up the trim. I have a bad arm so there is no chance that I would actually hit him. I starting thinking about making a slingshot, something I have not done since I was about 11. Finally after an hour of our feud, he took off.

This morning he was back.

rat-a-tat-tat-tat, rat-a-tat-tat-tat

SIGH

I went online to see what folks have done in my case. I learned that you need a Federal permit to "control" them. They use the hammering to claim territory and attract a mate. They look for things that resonate and carry the sound. Once established, they go back to finding bugs in trees.

My only thought was, "So find a girlfriend already!!"

I got on the roof and scared him away a few more time but it was time to go to work. I needed to get going.

I think I need to buy a fake owl and some rubber snakes to fling onto the roof. Maybe that will help. I truly understand the Woody Woodpecker cartoons now. He was such a pest and knew it!! I am convinced this little guy and his buddy who likes the chimney flashing, know exactly what they are doing. I am just happy I will not hear that laugh.

Happy Mother's Day

I am writing this on Friday because I really do not want to be too near a computer on Sunday for Mother's Day. As crazy as this may sound, I would like to celebrate the day by having breakfast with my guys, a nice big breakfast/brunch kind of thing at home. I would like if we all cooked together and had fun with it.

Then I would like to weed and work in the garden until it gets too hot. This would also be fun to do as a family. Of course Jake could play in his sandbox while we work outside. Next Daddy would take little man into town for an ice cream and grocery shopping while I rode a horse or two.

We would end the day with friends we have not seen in awhile, because they moved to the east coast. Our kids would play together and we would chat about how our lives have changed since we have become moms. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the frustrating, sometimes learning that we still have tons to learn.

That would be a great day for me. Not rushing to get anywhere, not doing the chores that need to be done, just having a day with those do whatchalike days.

The greatest gift my family could give me would not be flowers or jewelry, it would be time. Time together mixed with a little no stress time for me. I am taking the me time Saturday am, going to spa to hang with the girls. Well not girls I know well, but the organizer is visiting from out of town so it is important to her to see her Austin connections. I am happy to go. I miss her. Her friends are all very nice so I know it will be fun and relaxing.

My own mom will be coming back from visiting friends in California with Dad. I'm not sure what my sister's are up to but I suspect their kids will be around. I know my brother will do something nice with the kids for his wife. I wish all moms out there a happy Mothers Day, whether you do something or not. Oh and call your mom if you are able.

Time Flies!!!

Holy Crap! I look at the date of the last post and wonder how all this time has flown by.

I have been tremendously busy at work with flu coverage. It seems silly to me in a way because more folks have died of influenza than this strain but I am not a doctor just a mom with some common sense. At our daycare, hand washing has become more stringent although it was always the norm. The hysteria seems to be dying down even though the cases are rising.

At home we have gotten rain. Mixed blessing because while we really need it, the lawn has really gotten lush. I just have not had time to mow. So Thursday night, I roped off certain parts of the front yard and let Bailey loose on the front lawn. He is a voracious eater but not an even cut (as far as lawn mowing goes). He also does not eat the weeds.

Friday went so well, I put Bailey and Sahil on the lawn. Sahil has matured quite a bit so even when the dogs barked and ran after their imaginary rabbits, he ignored them and continued to eat. He and Bailey stuck together, heads down, munching grass. Chop, rip chew, chomp, rip, chew. Very rhythmic when you listen to them.

Later in the afternoon, I walked out the front door to see Sahil standing on the walkway to the front, looking as if he was contemplating walking up the stairs onto the front porch. I moved him away but not ten minutes later he was peering in the screen porch windows. Does he have a "not so secret" desire to come in the house and hang out? Being an Arabian, he probably does.

Dewey in the meantime just jogged up and down the fence line screaming for his friends. They flipped him the horse equivalent of the middle finger and ignored him, noses buried in the lush green grass.

Last night, I went to put them back in the pasture after dark. I couldn't see them in the light of the moon but all of a sudden, I heard the clatter of hooves on the driveway as they went flying by. I walked to the gate and heard them running back. Why they were running on the driveway and not the grass is beyond me. Drama queens! I think they just like the noise of the hooves on pavement. They were happy to get back into the pasture with a very "put out" Dewey. Dewey was angry because he did not get to partake in the feast. He is too young and I did not want to be chasing horses around the 'hood at 11pm at night.

After dark

"While everyone's asleep, I claim that time for me, and it's too dark to be mowin' that lawn" Trout Fishing in America

This is how I felt last night. I finally got Jake to bed. He is a little night owl. I finished folding his laundry. I did the dishes and picked up the house. Got all the beasties fed and decided to take some time for me.

Had a long hot shower, put on comfy pj's and grabbed a blanket to take outside. I thought about sitting on the porch but I wanted to see the stars. I spread the blanket out and lay down to look at the night sky. The breeze was steady so I fanned my hair out to dry. I brought some tunes but thought I would listen to night noises first.

It was a matter of minutes before I saw the shooting star. It moved slowly and left a long bright tail across the sky above me. I have to say that when I walk in the evenings, I usually am pretty lucky and see at least one shooting star a week. I wondered if this was a remnant of the meteor shower we were supposed to have had that morning.

As the wind moved through the trees, I saw brighter stars peeking through the branches of the crape myrtle tree. Feeling to lazy to move my whole body, I stretched my neck to see if they were a part of a larger constellation.

The horses were in the pasture close by. I could not see them but I heard the ripping of the grass as they ate. The occasional snort as they moved around each other. It was peaceful, soothing...I wondered what would happen if I just fell asleep out here on my fuzzy blanket. Would ants crawl over me and wake me in a stinging frenzy? Would deer sniff me wondering what was in the way of their midnight snack? I left the dogs inside for my own sanity. Daisy's high pitched bark is enough to disturb the peace of a deaf opossum 2 blocks away. Gatsby simply likes to chase and destroy if I am about to prove he is useful. There would be no dogs to chase away any curious wildlife that came to investigate.

I noticed my hair drying in soft waves. I thought about how good laundry smells after being dried on the line. I wondered if the night breeze would give me and my pj's a fresh outside smell. I stretched my arms high above my head and took in the night air. The ear buds went in and I listened to tunes softly so I could still hear the tree frogs and crickets.

This was better than meditation. Actually, it was a sort of meditation except that my mind was not empty of thought. Thoughts were racing through my brain, skipping like stones over the water, from subject to subject. I let it go for a bit then quieted my internal conversation down to concentrate on my body. I noticed how sore I was from my workout that day, noticed I had no more pain from Dewey running me over months ago, noticed the stress holder behind my shoulder blade needed a release. STRETCH, legs, feet, arms, back, abs.....

It was getting late. Time for bed. No computer, no tv, just bed.

must blog

My horse got sick, my hard drive died, had to cut the front 40, had to cut the back 40, had to write the longest run on sentence ever.......

okay crappy excuses for no blog in awhile but I have one coming for real, yes I do, honestly.

My introduction to video

I have been shooting video for fun at home for about a year or two. Nothing spectacular, just using a Sony Handycam. I rarely produce the video, just sort of leave it on the mini disc for future .....or well, I don't know, future archives?

When my friend Rupert suggested that I come out to shoot video for a story the paper is doing on him, his wife and autistic son, I brought it to the boss. I wanted ownership of this story in some way because I had been pitching it since October 2008. When the documentary about taking his family to see shamans in Mongolia was chosen for Sundance and then our own SXSW film fest, suddenly there was some interest. http://www.horseboymovie.com/

I have known Rupert and Kristin for awhile from their pre-kid days. I loved talking to Rupert because of his love and knowledge of horses. We would begin a horse discussion at a party and our spouses would drift away bored with our enthusiasm and subject matter.

I met Rowan, their son when he was two and not diagnosed with autism. He was a cute energetic boy then. Someone was always chasing him. After he was diagnosed, we lost touch until last year when I got his email from a mutual friend. I wanted to talk horses with him and found out so much more about what he and his family were up to.

Their story was written about in the NY Times http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/15/books/15horse.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper

The Statesman will have a wonderful Pat Beach story coming out soon. I got to shoot the video. I shot 20 minutes of footage that I will need to whittle down to 2 minutes. I hope I can do it. The raw footage looked decent for a first try.

I got to the New Trails Center and there was no one in site. I pulled around back and met Christine who is Rowan's home school teacher and occupant to the house at the center. There were horses milling around the back and very soon a carload of children arrived ready to play with Rowan and have lessons on the horses. They played with the bunnies and goats, jumped on the trampoline and climbed the mulberry tree searching for ripe berries. I was getting good B-roll but also getting annoyed that the main interviews were not there yet.

Christine rounded up the horses, and got a student mounted. She needed to get the loose horses put away, but was having trouble with a newly gelded horse who was running around like crazy because he was separated from his friend. I helped her catch him and was walking him cross the paddock when the gang finally showed up. Must have been a sight to see me in my skirt and keds, walking a spirited horse across the paddock.

Finally I could get some footage with Rupert and Kristin. Unfortunately it was 5pm and I needed to get my kiddo from daycare by 6pm. I was 45 minutes away from town and it was rush hour. I would have to call the cavalry. My neighbor Karen came to the rescue, got Jake and took him to her house. No more distractions or outside responsibilities.

Got my interviews, Kristin's better than Rupert's because of the location, got footage of Rupert and Rowan riding and finished up. Rupert had been trying to instruct me on some horse moves via email so he told me to get my own camera and he would show me what he was talking about. I got another 20 min of video of him showing me how to teach my horse to bow and how to teach a horse the Spanish Walk. I thought that was a decent bonus and made up for them being so late.

Of course it made them late to whatever they had going on next, but I suspect life will be like that for them for awhile as they enjoy success from the movie and book.

I hope to volunteer at New Trails with Bailey and start teaching again. I am not sure where I will find the time, but I am sure Jake would love to play out there once in awhile. I'll post the video link when it is done, all 2 minutes of it.

Easter Weekend

Why is it so hard to get into a groove of something you know you ought to be doing but cannot seem to get started. So many examples come to mind: cleaning the house regularly, flossing, eating right, hanging up what you have just taken off....my thing is church.

Religious holidays always remind me of this. I grew up Methodist. It was a great loving church with a kind minister and a friendly congregation. I felt at home there. I did Bible school in the summer, was active in youth group, sang in the choir when I had time and even felt comfortable enough to disagree with the pastor on the theme of a youth service. Clowns..yuck, I boycotted the service when I normally would have had a solo and been a strong presence in the service.

To tell the truth I miss church. THAT kind of church. I am not comfortable with the mega church my parents go to. I want hymnals not lyrics projected on the wall and a rock band.

I want structure. I want a sermon that means something to me. I want to shake the pastors hand as I leave and say, "thanks, that sermon spoke to me". I want my son to have a strong moral base learning the stories of the Bible from someone other than me.

So what is stopping me? Getting out of bed and dressed Sunday morning, going by myself is not really appealing, and then of course the search for a church that is close yet fits my comfort level.

I honesty feel hypocritical celebrating these religious holidays, Christmas included, with out a church service being a part of everything. We should have gone to church before brunch.

All in all, it was a swell weekend spent with friends, alas not blood family, as they are to far away. We shared our friend's family and they made of feel like one of them. Two Easter egg hunts, one pinata bashing (not very Christian to bash a bunny for candy), egg dying, cascarone breaking and a very grumpy child who no doubt OD'd on sugar made for a fun, busy weekend. I should have squished church in there somehow, but maybe with all the love and sharing that was happening, God (or whatever higher power you believe in) will forgive us. In my church growing up, he would have.

Zooma half marathon

I think the Zooma was a success. It was well organized from the neighborhood's point of view. Cones, port o potties and water all out early. Relatively easy to get in and out of the 'hood.

We did not leave. I was up at 6:45 finishing up the muffins and getting the cooler filled up. The table and chairs were out by 7:30am. The house is about 250 feet from the street so it is not like we can just bound out the door and watch runners.

We gathered about 7:45 and shortly there after the first male runner came through. Since it was a woman's race, I decided to cheer him on but not take a pic. I hung my signs for Pam and Joshunda, hoping I would see them. I should have found the pro camera to make decent pics but it is really hard to hold that and a drink.

There were just a few of us, at first, cheering the runners. Then our crowd grew. The runners were fun, laughed at our mimosas, thanked us for coming out to cheer and wondered if we had any breakfast to spare. The horses were in rare form dancing and chasing around the pasture. One runner commented that they were a nice thing to watch to keep her mind off the nasty hill in front of our house.

Pam saw me and shouted out. I missed the pic but got her on the way up the hill. I got pics of Joshunda going down the hill and up the hill. She looked great in both. You would never know that the hill was so bad at the way Pam and Joshunda looked in the uphill pics. There was a man dressed as a woman, funny. All in all it was a big crowd. I really to think our cheering made a difference on the uphill part. We got lots of smiles and folks chatting back to us.

Good job Zooma! I hope the spa incentives we wonderful at the finish line and that everyone enjoyed running through our neck of the woods....er.. well.. hills.

The neighborhood inconvenience

This Saturday we have a woman's half marathon coming through the neighborhood. It turns around in our neighborhood, so technically it comes through twice. Our comings and going are going to be impacted from 7am until 11am. We are a neighborhood of early risers, get things done kind of people, so I suspect this inconvenience may have made some folks angry.

We are also a neighborhood of opportunists. Since the run comes by our house twice, I suggested everyone come on over about 8am and we will cheer and have breakfast. We also don't miss too many opportunities to have a social nip here and there so I am thinking mimosas will be on the menu. Something decadent about drinking mimosas, eating muffins and watching folks run but what the hell!

My co-worker Pam is running. Her running pals ditched her so she is solo. I am going to make a sign for her, tell everyone about her and she is going to get the BEST cheering section. A neighbor is also running it. We will make her a sign too and she will get cheered. She may stop and have a drink though. Who could blame her? Our house is also on a killer hill so the runners will need that extra encouragement on the way up and out of the neighborhood.

I love the idea of the neighbors hanging out on the front lawn, the kids playing everywhere and runners going by, thinking our neighborhood would be so fun to live in. It really is the best.

Somehow this also reminds me of college. We had "wake-ups" where we would get doughnuts and beer, bring keg to a fraternity and wake up the house at 6am. Beer and doughnuts...mmmmmmm. Now that we have grown up, we are mimosas and pastries. Not too different. Then, we cheered for the drunk guys who decided to take their clothes off and run around naked....now we will cheer suitably dressed motivated runners. Seems more respectable somehow.

Bluebonnets!!

Every Spring the great Texas tradition is to have photos made of your family, kids, friends, and pets in the beautiful blue (or purple as my kiddo has decided) fields of flowers. All along Texas highways you can see families hopping out of the family truckster and tip toeing to the perfect spot in the middle of the flowers. Usually someone has been before them so there is already an empty space where the flowers have been trampled for a picture. Not sure this is really the best approach to this tradition.

Making a pretty picture of your kid in the bluebonnets seems like a simple thing to do, plop them down, get them to smile and snappity snap!

The reality is more like bribe the child to sit into the middle of the flowers where there are certain to be fire ants or bees. Having found a bug free spot, you need to then tell you child, if they are old enough to understand you, not to pick the flowers or not to eat them if they are under two. The child is now wondering why he is sitting there in the middle of itchy flowers with mom and dad trying to make him smile.

As a photographer and a mother, I have learned that patience is key, yet you have to be ready for that instant when a smile appears. Miss it and mom and dad are annoyed that they have to keep trying to make Mr.Fussypants laugh or smile. Of course they are keeping a brave face for you, the photographer, because they do not want you to know that their child is anything but lovely, smart and happy all the time.

I take my own shots of my kiddo. I also let him take some of me. He shot a good one last year! We trade and it makes him feel like it is a game for both of us. Since digital cameras are so small, easy to use and have tons of memory, there really is no such thing as a wasted picture. Remember that sometimes the "no smile" pics are cute too. Have them try a silly face. Be a clown. Be a princess. Use your surprise face! All fun for little ones to try. I try to get him closer to me so I can actually see his face, then I can fill the frame with flowers.

My other tricks include not going to the side of the highway. It is dangerous: traffic, snakes, fire ants. Look around neighborhoods and parks. The Wildflower Center has a designated spot to help you out. I also heard that the Mueller Development has some lovely areas.

My neighborhood has a bunch blooming along the easements. I can frame the shot so they look endless. You can alway plant your own patch as well but think ahead. Plant this Fall for possible blooms in Spring. I have found that the second year is usually better.

As for a diversions...yes, bring bribes, bubbles work will too or a ball to toss. Anything to keep those little eyes up.

My job future

All the newspaper closings and layoffs have left everyone in the industry nervous and on edge. I have to say, me included. I AM usually the optimist. I am going to continue to do my job the best I can and not be sad about the veterans who all took the early retirement. Their last day was yesterday.

I can't help but wonder if I need a plan B away from journalism.

I know it will not be teaching, Texas is flooded with teachers now that folks have lost jobs. Teaching what they know (or don't know) seems the most obvious. The medical field needs folks but I don't think I am cut out for that.

Would I want a job that ties in with something I love doing? That is what I did with photography. Sometimes my job takes away from my love of the craft. Something I did not expect and that I am not crazy about. I have become a jaded somewhat and at times fail to appreciate the beauty of the art of photography. Teaching at UT helped me get some of that passion back.

I love to bake. If I go to culinary school to become a pastry chef, will I continue to love to bake or will it become a chore? I love to garden. If I get a degree in landscape design or horticulture, will my garden become an evolving thing of beauty or an overgrown mass of weeds? Career with horses? Mine would be neglected and horse people either have tons of money or none.

I wonder if I should learn a trade. A plumber or electrician? They do some nasty dirty work but get paid well and will always be in demand. I don't even know how to go about becoming skilled in a trade.

The hospitality industry seems like a good fit for me. I love making people happy and feel welcome. The pay is less than desirable though especially when you consider the fact that you have to work weekends.

Speech therapy sounds fulfilling but I don't have time for that much school. That also goes for most therapy where I could help folks get well.

For those who know me, I would love suggestions. I am sure there is somethink I have not thought of. Maybe I will not even need a plan B. I hope not. It has taken me 20 years to become good at what I do. I am much too impatient for that agian.

Rain, Blessed Rain

It has been raining for the past 2 days here in Central Texas. We have needed it. And while it is 45 degrees and raining, miserable weather by some standards, I am happy to see it. I dumped about 2 inches from the horse feed buckets this morning. I got their blankets on last night so they are damp but toasty. I am sure they would like to be in the front pasture but that is closed in hopes that some grass will grow. I am tempted to go by some grass seed and put it down today, except that I have a sinus infection and feels like my head may explode at any moment.

I got some plants put in over the weekend so now they can have a nice drink and not get fried.

I am trying an orange tree and a lime tree. I have seen rather large citrus trees in the area. I planted ours near sprinkler heads and on the south side of the house. I am also going to put in a fig tree this weekend.

Our fruit tree totals will be this: 5 peach trees, 2 plum trees, 1 apricot, (not sure how many pecans survived the summer) one for sure, 1 pear tree, maybe 2 apple trees (again not sure if they survived the long hot summer, 1 fig, 1 orange tree, 1 lime tree and then 2 lemon trees in pots and one lime tree in a pot. I want kiddo to be able to pick fresh fruit as he grows up. The orange tree is right outside my office window. I am looking at it along with the sandbox, roadrunners, and happy birds playing in the rain.

The Central Texas Bucket List

When you live in Central Texas in the Austin area, there are certain things you MUST do before you leave or die (assuming you never leave Austin to live somewhere else). My short list includes:
1. Swim in Barton Springs
2. Go to the Capitol
3. Dance at the Broken Spoke
4. Eat at as many local, non restaurant chains as possible.
5. have a Mexican martini at the Cedar Door
6. See something at the Paramount
7. visit the UT campus (extra points if it is during a football game)
8. hike the greenbelt, especially when there is water flowing
9. See a live music show anywhere (too many places to select just one)
10.Hang out on South Congress, visit the shops and bask in coolness.

I crossed off #3 last week. I had a friend from way back visiting. In fact, he was my first prom date. I went to six proms over four years so that is how I can have a FIRST prom date. He wanted to go to the Broken Spoke to go dancing. I am one of those people who thinks I am a good dancer but really am not because I constantly try to lead when I am dancing with a partner. I am working on this.

Dale Watson was playing and the hubby was home so it seemed like a good opportunity to cross something off my list. We got there and paid the $5 cover (I should have paid the $8 cover so I could get a dancing lesson or two). Tim got us a couple beers and we got the lay of the land. The dance floor is long and rectangular. On either side, there are tables up a step, then up another step on each side there are more tables. A basketball player would have issues because the ceiling are very low where the table are. Maybe this encourages sitting and having a beer.

We watched the dancers spin in a counterclockwise motion around the dance floor. There were good dancers and not so good dancers. No one seemed to mind either way they were just happy enjoying the music. I am not going to describe the pain I put Tim through trying to dance with him. But I clearly needed to let go of my need to lead so I looked at the ceiling to try and feel want his body was telling me to do. I suggested he ask other women to dance while I watched.

An older gentleman asked me to dance. He was tall, had a grandpa belly and a kind face. I explained that I would love to but I was not very good. He showed me some steps off to the side and worked with me until I got the rhythm. Then we tried it on the dance floor. After several dances I got a little better. He held me firmly and guided me around the floor. Pressed against his belly, I felt surprisingly comfortable and went with him as we two stepped our way though the crowd. He was, in fact, a grandpa who was taking the night off from watching his grand kids who were the same age as my kiddo.

After a couple beers, I was ready to try and dance with Tim again. He didn't give up on me and finally we had a good dance to a fast-ish song. It was so much fun and everyone was there to dance and listen to Dale Watson. We met a couple from Norway, a young woman from Australia and one from London.

I had to go to work the next morning so around midnight, I asked if he minded if we got going. I think he would have liked to stay but came with me just the same. I would like to go again some day and pay $3 extra for the dance lessons.

Blog about work? Never

While I would love to blog about work as a means to vent, I have a few reason why I will not.

1. I really may regret something I type and publish

2. when someone with more clout than me reads what I write and publish, I may not have the opportunity write about work anymore because there will be no more work.

3. I just don't want to re-live the stress.

I really don't why they keep creating new cop and hospital shows when a newspaper would be great. What was the last one...Lou Grant? They could even make a good soap around a newspaper. Lots o drama. Maybe I'll go into script writing and that will be my project. The only problem is that I am queen of the unfinished project. My children's book started a few blogs ago being a prime example.

The Will is Strong but the Body is Weak

I want to finish my children's story about the cleanly cockroach but I am so tired. I have been dealing with a bout of insomnia lately. I suspect it is due to the fact that newspapers are closing left and right and I am really not sure what my future holds in the biz. That and the fact that hubby has been on the road for over a week so I have house and kid duties solo.

I am not complaining but I really just would love to be home in the afternoon alone taking a long luxurious nap. The kind where the windows are open and the breeze is making the curtains blow gently. The kind where you wake up and then float gently beck to sleep. You sleep HARD and wake up not quite knowing where you are or what time of day it is. What a dream. what a dream.

Tonight kiddo is sleeping over at his best friend's house. This would be the perfect opportunity to go out with my girlfriends. Hubby is encouraging that. Honestly I just want to be home. I want to rest and I want to be home in case he needs to be picked up at 2am because he is inconsolable. It is not his first sleepover but it is the first one at this friend's house.

Too bad I do not have a personal chef, masseuse, manicurist and stylist. I would do a SPOIL ME night at home. I can be my own chef, manicurist and stylist. I am coming up short on masseuse though.

My version of a children's Book pt 1

I came downstairs this morning and saw the muddy paw prints the dogs tracked in yesterday, some dishes in the sink, toys all over the playroom and thought it would be cool if someone would come in while I was sleeping and clean the house. Silently of course, so we would not wake up. That is when my idea for a children's book popped into my head.

The Cleanly Cockroaches

Henry with his mommy and daddy, a dog named Wuzzle and two cats named Tic and Tac. Henry loved all living creatures. He loved his pets. He loved with birds that sang outside his window in the morning. He loved the bunnies that ate his momma's garden. He even loved snakes and crawly things. But Henry's favorite things were BUGS. He never smushed a spider. He never stamped on ant hills.

One day Henry heard his mommy scream "ew!! A bug!!!!" Henry raced to the kitchen to see his mommy pointing at the floor. There on the floor was a palmetto bug, otherwise known as a cockroach. "Get it Henry!!" screamed his mommy. Henry moved quickly and trapped the bug under a glass and took it outside.

"Thank you," said a tiny voice.

Henry looked around but did not see anyone there.

"Down here! My name is Polly Palmetto and I want to thank you for not smashing me flat as a pancake. Now I can go back to my family," said Polly

Henry had never heard a bug talk but answered, "you're welcome"

"Maybe I can help you someday," said Polly.

"I don't see how. You are so small!" said Henry

"Ahh yes but I have a VERY large family and when we all work together, we can get almost anything done"

"Well be careful and don't let my mom see you in the house again. Daddy WOULD have smushed you if he was home."

"We'll be careful. Thanks for the warning. We'll only come around at night." said Polly as she scuttled away.

To be continued.............

A Weekend full of Gardening

I adore busy weekends. They have to be be busy on my terms though. Okay, so I am selfish but I get things done.

It was beautiful so I decided to tackle some of the gardening. I got out my nifty tiller and decided just to till under several beds, whether they had perennials in them already or not. Only the strong survive!! I plan to get some old horse poop from the pasture and till that in next weekend. My goal is to get that clay transformed to beautiful soil.
I trimmed the roses, which is a bit late, but better later than scraggly. I left the climbers and super bloomers alone because they seem to do will without my help. Mrs. BR Cant has so many thorns anyway that I am sure she will take over the garage wall eventually. The wildlife love her, she protects them from Gatsby the killer golden.
The volunteer vitex by the front porch got a new home. I put in on the side of the driveway where an old mesquite fell down a couple years ago. As the vitex grows, it will help shield the horse trailer I plan to park at the end of the driveway. The neighborhood covenants say no trailers visible from the street and hubby is beginning to get irked that it is in the driveway behind the house. It does make it challenging to get the riding mower out.
I am finally getting the sand delivered tomorrow for kiddo's sandbox in the back. I did a dry stack of stones that we got from a neighbor's deconstructed patio and wall. I put heavy duty week block down and we'll put the sand on top of that. I suspect that will be my main project this coming weekend. As Kiddo gets older and tired of the sandbox, my 6X9 rectangle will make a wonderful kitchen garden! It is right next to the rain barrel too so watering will be easy.

I hope I get it done before my friend comes over with her kids for a play date! We could always saddle up Bailey and do pony rides. Next weekend, I will remember sunscreen.

Life with a 4 Year Old

I post this blog from kiddo's bed because he insists that he is scared without me here. I know it is pure manipulation but the alternative is listening to him cry and whine for me at the top of the stairs for an hour before he finally conks out or I give in. This way, I know he will be out in about 10 minutes and I can go about my business.

This morning on the way to pre-school he was full of questions. Why are poo and pee disgusting? What are germs? What do they look like? What do kid germs look like? Are the green squiggly worms? What do grown up germs look like? Do angels have germs? What are angels made of? Why do they fly? Why do they like flying better than walking? Why can't they just drive a car? That is what I would rather do. And so it goes....I feel like I am a bad parent if I don't try to answer his questions. I am sure that if I had another kid I would tune them both out and be in my own world on a car trip...or I would be yelling at them to quit whatever it was they were up to.

It takes some concentration to navigate rush hour traffic and then more to answer the questions being fired at me from the brainiac in the back. I am so in need of quiet after I drop him off. I often ride to work in silence. The newsroom is also quiet at 8:30am. I need it.

Hey! No Hay.

The drought has hit Central Texas pretty hard. HAving horses, this always freaks me out because I am worried about getting hay. My usual source (who is also the neighborhood source thanks to my big mouth) can't grow it because of the no rain issue. The feed stores are up to $9/bale (I remember when I was getting it in the field for $2.50/bale 5 years ago). There just does not seem to be affordable coastal horse hay anywhere. I bought 40 bales of tifton from a source who had to get rid of it because he is moving. The horses took a few days to get used to it but they are eating it now. They get alfalfa trucked in from New Mexico when I can get it. They only get that once a day. It costs $21-23/bale for a bale that is $110 pounds. I can make that last a week or so with the 3 horses.

They take longer eating the tifton so they are not eating the trees as much. That, in and of itself, is another issue. The horses strip the bark off the trees and then you lose your good shade trees. I want to shout at them, "Hey dummies! You are going to kill your shade and in the 104 degree weather you will be really sorry!" I strategically wrapped a bunch of them with chicken wire so the horses could not get to the bark. The wire is fairly invisible to the causal passerby. There are still the trees they will be killing but then I will have some firewood and a sunny area for more grass to grow in the front pasture.

They are banned from the front pasture now because the rye is starting to come up from the 2 days of damp weather we finally have had. It should last until May once it comes up if I am careful to keep them off it. When I think back to how much grass we had before the horses and how often I had to cut it, I can hardly believe that it is gone. Part of me wishes we had fenced the front yard so we would never have to mow that as well (that is about 250 yards square).

Such is residential farm life. I would not trade it for city condo life at all.

Sahil's Lessons

I really would not say which one of us gets the most from the lessons, Sahil or me.

Sahil is an Arabian. Arabians have the reputation of being wild and high strung often choosing flight over fight. I have experienced the flight when the helicopter buzzed the facility where I have my lessons. Since then, I have had this in the back of my mind, worried that he would do it again over something I would not expect.

Here is the truth that I have learned since the fall. Sahil is not spooky. I walked him up to an open trash bin. Most horses would dance around it and pretend they thought the trash bin was going to eat them. Sahil walked up to it and put his head in it. Plastic grocery bags also freak out many horses when the blow in the wind and get stuck on trees. I led Sahil up to one and he sniffed it then picked it up in his teeth and shook it a bit. He is sweet, smart and curious.

So Sunday when I led him down to the neighbor's house for my lesson, I was not bothered by the wind picking up (it has been really windy my last 3 lessons). I was not worried by the 4 yr olds running along in front of us (kiddo and his best friend were along and Sahil wanted to run with them). I was not even concerned about all the horses along the way who wanted to greet Sahil (I let him have a little touchy feely nose time with them).

I DID have a problem with the Tyvec wrap that was blowing off the house under construction next door to my neighbor's round pen. It was so loud. Picture being on the beach with huge waves crashing constantly on the shore. I thought for sure Sahil was going to freak.

As it turned out, I was the only one worried. He could not have cared less. He was more concerned with what the other horses were doing in the pasture. We kept him busy and thinking during the lesson and he was fine. We trotted and did well. The confidence in each other is building. He is going to be a wonderful horse to trail ride on. His movement is smooth and elegant so he will also be good in the dressage arena. Not bad for an ugly little runty throw away. He is truly the ugly duckling that has turned in to a swan.

creationsim vs. evolution

I know creationists must have an answer for this but the question I have always wanted to ask is "How do we know a Genesis day is the same time as a B.C. day or a A.D. day or what? Why couldn't a Genesis day have been 10,000 years or such?"

If you thought outside the box a bit and understand that the Bible is a collection of stories told to someone, think how many mistakes there can be! How many interpretations of the story told to them. It all depends on the interpreter's view.

The other day I said "Nell is wearing my cleverly patched shirt that the dog ripped last week, while trying to eat the cat."

Now what I meant was that the dog was trying to eat the cat, not me. But the way it was said left some question over who was trying to eat the cat.

For that matter, how many times has a woman said something to a man that was completely misinterpreted or vise versa? If God is a woman, and the Bible was written my men...well you get my drift.

All in the matter of interpretation. I, for one, believe that Adam and Eve came after the dinosaurs. I still think of myself as a Christian.

Anyone else have a take on this?

Oooohhh the Light!

The sunrise is one of the simple pleasures I enjoy in the morning. I try to wait to feed the horses until the sun is rising so I can see the sunrise. My favorite ones are when the clouds turn pink and are rimmed with gray. I try to remember my art history education to think which painter painted these sorts of clouds. Then I try to identify how many colors I actually see instead of what common sense tells me I should be seeing. I do this with kiddo too. I ask him to name every color he sees during a sunrise or sunset. I try very hard not to negate anything he says. it is subjective and I want him to see what he sees.

We see the sunset from the front porch. Sometimes it looks better from the bedroom because we can see over the tree tops. I love right before the sun sinks in the horizon. The light is golden and it filters through the trees in shimmery beams. I can see the light dancing off the wings of the insects buzzing in the pasture. The horses are rimmed in the light as they lazily swish their tails at the flies. I want to play in this light. I want to capture it in a photo. I want to hold onto those moments in that light that bring me such peace. As the sun disappears, the sky turns orangey red. It is almost angry compared to the sweet, golden light from just moments before. I still love the intense color and the way the blue sky become purple peaking through the magenta clouds.

Late at night the stars are thick in the sky. There is not much light pollution so we can sit in the Adirondack chairs on the front lawn with a drink and just stare at the sky. Sometimes I am treated to a shooting star. I feel lucky those nights.

VALENTINE'S DAY

My colleagues are complaining about how much they HATE Valentine's Day. Too much pressure whether you are married, involved or not.

Back in the day, I used to go all out. I made hubby hand painted heart boxers, cookies, and got a card or two. This was before we were married. After we got married, it was a baked something special and a card or two. He used to get me flowers. He even sent me flowers when I was in Norway working the winter Olympics. All the men hated him. After we moved into the house, I asked him to give me live roses that I could plant in the garden. He did this for a few years and then seemed to forget about it.

This year I had time to do something nice for him. I made cookies Thursday for kiddo's class and made two HUGE cookies for the guys. I got hubby a couple of cards, almond clusters and a chocolate mixer to make chocolate martinis.

I honestly was worried that I would be disappointed but I was not. They guys let me sleep in. I didn't even know kiddo was up. They made breakfast for me and brought it up to me in be complete with a rose on the tray. Very sweet. Kiddo wanted to hang out and eat with me while we watched his TV shows.

No matter what your relationship status is, I think Valentine's Day should be important. It should be the day you remember to tell someone you love them. How nice would it be if we heard that from our friends, and family more often? I don't do it enough, I know. Why is it so hard? We should just give love without expecting it in return. It will come. We need to get over our fear of rejection. I believe that you get what you give. To quote Todd Rundgren, "Love is the answer". Listen to that song if you have not heard it. Very wise.

The Depressed Mall

I went to the mall today. Now those who do not know me may say "Big deal, everyone goes to the mall."

I don't.

I do not like to shop, much less in a mall. I get claustrophobic among all that consumerism. So why did I go today? I was having my car workd on and the garage is right by the mall. So rather than sit in the waiting room with the 5 very angry looking people there, I headed over to the mall to see what I have been missing.

I walked in a non-anchor store entrance, passed two photo studios and a nail salon. I briefly though of getting a manicure but the idea of a mall manicure did not seem hygenic for some reason. I eased myself in to shopping by going into Macy's. I feel comfortable there. I worked at Macy's in high school and college when it was Bamberger's.

There were sales everywhere. Not that I need anything but all the sales made me think I should need something. I bought two mock turtlenecks for $6 each and felt good about that. I always need a good turtleneck (I am beginning to become Diane Keaton. She always wears turtlenecks). I did not go into the men's dept. Hubby likes to buy his own clothes and I never seem to get it right. Passed on the boy's dept. too. The in-laws buy kiddo the cutest clothes. Why should I shell out the bucks?

Bored, I headed out into the depths of malldom. I looked at the stores but could not see any reason to go inside. The kiosk vendors varied from looking hopeful to bored. I also could not see a need for any of their products. Feeling very old lady-ish, I went into Hallmark. Got some Valentine's stuff for hubby and found a sale rack with cool stuff. I got some neat Christmas gifts that I will stow away.

I walked the whole mall. There were stores that had closed, stores that were going out of business and ones that were empty except salespeople trying very hard to look busy. I am happy they have jobs and I hope they can keep them. I just cannot find any reason to even walk into 90% of those stores. When I was a teenager, I did. My love affair with the mall died sometime in my twenties.

Luckily the car was done in just over an hour. I picked it up and happily drove home to play outside.

Jake says....

Some gems from my son's mouth last year.....

Jake has decided that there is another side to Santa. “I want Santa to take my bed.” “I want Santa to take my shirts with snaps, sweaters and jackets.” What will Santa do with Jake’s things? Who knows.

Oma brought Jake 101 Dalmations, the original animated version. It has quickly become a favorite. We get requests daily to watch “the domination puppies”.

“Mommy I don’t like you on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I only like you on Mondays and Wednesdays and Fridays.” Jake was mad at me because I didn’t bring him a treat after school.

Jake has learned to use the potty. He was in the bathroom a long time last night so when Daddy went to check on him he said "You need to do me some privacy."

One cold morning Jake wanted to wear shorts. Dad explained that he needed to wear long pants or he would freeze his patootie off. Jake won the battle and when Mom picked him up from day care, he proudly announced ‘Look Mom, I still have my patootie!”

Drawing letters with Daddy, Jake decides that an H is a straight A.

Mommy how do you “smell” the word XXXX? I keep telling him it is SMELL

Imaginary friends are Friendship, Fabio and Hardboil. More friends come later Heart and Pinefapple. I think Friendship is his favorite.

5/29 Riding into school this morning Jake sees a man on a motorcycle all decked out in leather, goatee, grizzled face and says “Look mom, a pirate on a motorcycle!”

“I don’t know Jake”
“Ya gotta know!”
“NO I don’t!”
“No, Tell ME now!”

Trying to find a park for a playdate Jake says “I know where it is. I am 4, I know everything.”

After making a fuss about coming with mommy to early vote, Jake decides he likes it as we leave he says “ Mommy, I’m sad.” “ Why, honey?” “ I am sad because we are done voting.” This drew a chuckle from a passerby.

Jake’s birthday we decided to have 2 parties, a friend party and a family party on the real day. Friday night before the party, he is misbehaving so we discuss the possibility with him of being good or canceling the party. He thinks about it for a minute and says “ I want to be bad and we can cancel the family party.”

Hot lava = “Hotverlava”

“Daddy, What is a Barack Obama?”

Intramatic = automatic

Dyna coke = diet coke

Daddy was talking to a woman friend on his cell. Jake heard a woman’s voice and sad “I wanna talk to momma!” Daddy went on talking and Jake repeated himself louder. Daddy told him it was not momma on the phone. Jake said under his breath but loud enough for Daddy to hear “Stupid old Daddy”

Co-pilot = go-pilot

I can't wait to see what 2009 brings.

My Ipod

This morning driving into work, I noticed my Ipod had a theme going. I have no idea how the "shuffle" feature works but sometimes it does seem to have a common thread. Some days it is classical guitar, other days it plays songs that remind me of one person, today the theme was weather, nature or something like that.

The first tune I settled on was Shotgun Down the Avalanche, by Shawn Colvin. I love this song. It is angry, resigned and real, using nature as the metaphor. Then came a song about the seasons from XTC. El Paso from The Gourds and they talk about a tornado out on the desert. I was hoping for Over the Waterfall by Robert Earl Keen but I didn't get it. I got into work first.

I still am curious how shuffle does work. Maybe it is because you have chosen all your songs so you can find a theme in anything, however, about 1/3 of my tunes were lifted from a friend so I could fill up my tunes list quickly. U2 was dominating the other day and I realized that I have outgrown many of their songs. I also had to get over my guilt of deleting some Johnny Cash songs. I kept them for so long because he is a classic but I just do not like very much of his music. It sounds the same to me.

I am now unapologetically downloading my faves from the 70's.

Simplify

I've been contemplating getting rid of things and making money at the same time. I have tons of kiddo's old things that we bought with the idea of being able to re-sell it. When i brought it up with hubby though, he though it would be best just to give it away to someone in need.

I'll admit, I have done that with many of kiddo's old clothes. Our housekeeper takes them to Mexico and I feel like they are getting another chance to make someone happy. BUT the idea of making a little extra money for a rainy day appeals to my frugality.

The big choice is Craig's List or Ebay? I have been thinking that Craig's list may be best for large items and Ebay for the small. I really have no desire to ship a pac 'n play to Ohio. Friends have been giving me strategies for selling clothes. They say to sell in lots with some designer stuff included s bait. Kiddo certainly has plenty of that that he has outgrown.

I think I can organize this in a weekend. It seems to be much easier than a garage sale. That would take me weeks to get things together.

Now how about those things in closets that I have not used in a year or so.........