Me Too

The "Me Too" wave washed over Facebook last week with women posting "Me too" if they have ever been sexually harassed or assaulted. I am NOT a joiner, this was important to me.  I participated in this campaign.

When I was 11 or 12, our family traveled to the Bahamas for a work vacation. We were taken out of school, because my parents believed that travel was as valuable an education as school learning.  My parents would be attending seminars and we kids got to play on the beach or at the pool. The pool was novel to us because it had a swim up bar. My brother who was about 7, spent much of his time bellying up to the bar for a soda. When he got home and his teacher asked him his favorite thing about the trip, he said it was the bar in the pool. My mother was mortified. My older sister was just interested in laying on the beach in the sun.

Being an independent child, I would wander the beach looking for shells. I was a good swimmer so my parents never really worried about me being around water by myself. Turns out it was not the water but what was in the water that could be dangerous.

One morning, I was up before everyone and ready to go. My parents gave me the green light to go to the beach to collect shells. I knew the morning was the best time because, over night, shells would wash ashore. I wanted to be first on the beach to get the good ones. The water was smooth as glass. The beach was pristine and only a few people were out. I walked along the beach stopping only to pick up a corkscrew shell or dislodge a promising specimen from the sand with my toe.

I was wearing terrycloth shorts and tank shirt over my one piece swim suit. My short dark hair curling from the salty air. Growing up, my dad nicknamed me "Butterball". I was never obese but was solid, tan and healthy.

The water was so warm and calm. I waded out in the shallows looking for shells that had not made it to the beach. I could see the bottom clearly even though the water was up to my knees. I was lost in my task and did not notice the man approach me. He was floating on his belly, crawling along the sea floor with his hands. His body was mostly under the shallow water as he kicked gently toward me. I was surprised by his presence. He was bald with a bright white smile against his dark skin. He was wearing a small swim suit and I thought he was probably not a tourist like me.

He said good morning and asked what I was doing. I knew I should not be talking to a stranger so I kept it short and aloof.

"Looking for shells." I answered.

He continued to tell me what a pretty girl I was and then said he would help me look for shells. His hands felt along the ocean bottom clouding up the water. Then I felt his hands on my feet and I knew this was not right. He swam in the water around me circling like a shark. Trying not to let him see my panic, I tried to think how I could get away quickly.

 I pictured how when you run away from an animal predator, they usually chase you so I didn't want to run. Besides I was in knee deep water and would likely fall down if I ran. I kept feeling his touch on my feet and ankles. He was not grabbing aggressively but stroking and massaging them, smiling at me but not really seeing me.

I knew I had to get away. I pulled away and thanked him politely for helping my but my mother and father were coming to meet me and I had to go. Wading slowly but purposefully, I made my way back to the beach. My plan was to get to our hotel quickly so I would be safe.

The man did not follow me. I did not tell my parents for fear they would limit my freedom and get angry at me for talking to a stranger. I would not go to beach alone again though the rest of our trip. No one noticed but me.

connecting with the past

Many friends talk about the fun they have had connecting with friends from the past on Facebook. It works for me. I am not a letter writer or a phone person. Without the computer, it would be tough for me to keep up with all the great people I have met over the years.

I have found my first best friend, Katie. Our families used to vacation in Ocean City together. I have memories or the beach and the house we stayed in. We lived a hilly woodsy trail away from each other. She had a hill near her house that I was convinced showed the curve of the earth. It was so perfect. We would sled on it in the winter and roll down it in the summer. We played in the stream that was near her house and decided our motto for playing in the woods was "never trust leaves!" Usually leaves hid the water underneath and if you were not careful you would get very wet feet. We dug out the trunk of a fallen tree and made a fort. Yes, Mrs. Blanchard, that is where that Indian blanket went.

I never moved growing up, so my friends from elementary school, continued to be my friends in junior high and high school. I just seemed to add more as the schools got bigger. I was always a drama queen in school, meaning, I loved to be on stage pretending to be someone else. The teachers used to let us act out "Welcome Back Kotter" episodes in 6th grade. Looking back it must have cracked them up. I looked forward to the chance when I would get to audition for the sixth grade operetta. We did "Snow Queen".

But I digress, I really was thinking about Facebook and forgiveness. Many friends have spoken of being contacted by people who were bullies in school. The wounds run deep. Forgive and "Friend"? or IGNORE. "Friend" and then let them know how it made you feel when they picked on you? So many choices.

I am sure I must have hurt feelings in school. Before Facebook,one boy told me I ripped the Valentine he gave me up in front of him in elementary school. I did not remember this, but I am sorry. I want to say sorry to everyone who's feeling I may have hurt. I was young, insecure and not particularly aware.

Facebook brings back so many memories, good and bad.

I am older and much more forgetful now but I remember those people I was not comfortable around because I thought they would be quick to point out my shortcomings. They probably did not even care. I tried not to be around them very much to avoid being hurt. I admired everyone who was good at math. I lost it around geometry. I wondered if everyone felt as lost in French as I did, even though I had been taking it for 5 years. I think I always felt that anything before college did not matter very much in the way of how it shaped your life. I wish I had studied more, that part DID matter. Funny how most of my connections from the past are high school. Are my high school memories stronger even though they are older? Could be because I don't remember last names of my college chums that I have not connected with them. College was a bit of a blur.

I enjoy the connections I have made with friends and acquaintances from the past. I see that we have so much more in common as we grow older. It does not matter what part of the country we live in. In some way we all connect through our jobs, families, sense of humor and I am thankful for that. I love when my local friends interact with my oldest friends without ever having met face to face. The world grows smaller every day and hopefully better through our friendships.

25 Random Things

So Facebook has the thing going around now bout 25 Random Things about yourself. I did mine in a bit of a rush while at work and then improved upon them at home later. Since then, I keep thinking of other random things I should have put down that most people would not know.

1. My name and middle name are a combo of my grandmothers' middle names

2. I spent 2 weeks in Moscow and Leningrad in College, rooming with our Russian guide.

3. I was in a Big Audio Dynamite video

4. After I spent 2 days photographing the Soap Opera bus tour in Washington DC who were visiting the White House, All My Children soon after created a photographer character named Nell.

5. I have been riding off and one since I was in college but owned my first horse when I was 34.

6. I like fruity beers

7. have fallen off the same horse more than 20 times.

8. drove myself to the hospital in a truck with manual transmission with a separated shoulder.

9. had to have my ears re-pierced because they ripped the first time while taking off a sweater.

10. only kissed my first boyfriend 3 years after he was my boyfriend.

11. heard a ghost or a spirit when I was 11 say "I love you, Nell". I was wide awake and thought it was my dad.

12. used to play archeologist in our yard which was a dump for a 19th century mansion.

13. used to sunbathe on the garage roof, the only place that had any sun at our house.

14. tried to nurse many baby squirrels into adulthood as a kid. We had quite the cemetery in the woods.

15. wanted to try out for cheerleading but did not think I was pretty or thin enough.

16. played field hockey but hated running so I got an after school job instead.

17. learned how to drive stick shift in an orange mustang.

18. I find hockey thugs attractive

19. I have been asked out by a pro baseball player. I said no.

20. was the co-lead singer in a high school rock band

21. cannot watch bloody horror flicks, or bloody action flicks but used to be the one to pick gravel out of legs after bike falls.

22. do not ever want to move from my current home

23. want to paint my truck pale, the very palest of pale, pink.

24. want to learn to play the drums.

25. miss old fashioned photography, developing etc.