the Release

Have you ever just let loose and cried in the car? Feeling particularly stressed with life, I sobbed on the way into work this morning. I didn't get any sleep last night because my A/C went out and the house was 90 degrees. Outside was not much better but at least there was a breeze. If my house were in a more private area and if I did not mind the sound of mosquitoes buzzing in my ear, I would have slept outside in my hammock. So lack of sleep, impending pricey A/C repair, missing my son who is away for two weeks and being responsible for caring for other peoples pets added up to the need for a release. At 8 am, drinking is not an option for me. I began to cry. I was careful to drive just out of view of the drivers next to me. At stop lights I would stay out of direct view, mostly. Then I had to stop. First car in line. As I waited for the car to go by I saw folks looking at me. Two guys in a truck went by and the passenger stared with a look that seemed to say "what do you have to cry about?" The woman waiting for the light on the other side of the street looked at me sympathetically and shook her head as if she had experienced a morning like that as well. I was crying for being divorced, jealous of those who have a partner to share burdens like this with. Someone who can hold them and whisper "it will be all right." I was crying for my son who I miss as much as he misses me. He calls every night in tears telling me how homesick he is. I was crying about being in pain and not being able to do the physical activities I like to do and the work I need to do. Crying for the B.S. that I would have to deal with at work that I did not feel like facing. Things were a little better when I got to work. The AC repair guy I wanted called me and ended up fixing the problem. I was able to face the folks at work who I was fearing. I will credit lack of sleep for my disinterested tolerance. I will still miss my kid but will watch some Phineas and Ferb to feel like he is there with me. As for the lack of a partner to share my life, I just need to get over it and enjoy this stage of my life. but truth be told, I still would like to share it.