Not the Weigh to go

I got on the scale this morning and was 2.5 pounds heavier than I have been the past few weeks. I have been seeing a nutritionist since last September and I have a food diary that I keep. I am trying to stay at 1650 calories a day to lose weight. For those who do not know know me I am healthy, low blood pressure, good cholesterol, fit but according to the BMI index, obese.

I work with a trainer twice a week for an hour, take spin class once a week, and walk 3 miles at least 3 or 4 times a week. I ride and train my horses. Haul hay bales. Do most of the yard work around the house and spend time chasing my 3 year old around.

You would think that I would be a slim person. SO that is where the nutritionist came in. I do eat candy. We have it at work and it is a good stress reliever. I guess I have about 4 or 5 minis a day. I have cut down on alcohol. I really need to get more fruits and vegies in my diet.

I KNOW what I am doing wrong, I just get to the point where I really do not care. I have been refusing to throw the towel in completely but I cannot seem to get on board with the diet thing completely either. I feel better and more sexy when I am slimmer. I have lost weight before. Why can't I do it now? I am frustrated, whiny and not really looking for help or advice. This needs to come from within.

I watched a video of myself riding my horse. That was a good motivator. I looked heavy and awkward. I should watch it every night or every time I feel like eating.

I just keep wondering if there is ever a time when I will give up completely. Continue to exercise, because I do love that, but not pay attention to what I am eating anymore.